Dearest gentle reader,

The new bridgerton season came out and I'm loving it. As I do with any other modern period drama.
But that is not what I want to talk about. What I do want to talk about is me and my future.
I've been thinking about what I want to do with my life, mainly in terms of jobs.
It seems that that is all there is to life by the way people talk about it.
I have dreams and goals but none of them have to do with a job.
My dream is to have a lovely house, somewhere quiet, I'll have animals.
Chickens, cows, dogs, cats, pigs, sheep. Not all at the same time ofc.
My day to day will look like this:
I'll wake-up in the morning im the house that I love and dercorated myself with my unlimitid money.
I'll take care of my animals. I'll take care of myself. I'll put my favorite music on.
I'll do some chores. I'll watch a movie. I'll go to sleep early. I'll be happy.

Well, that's not realistic. I'll need a job. I'll need to keep that job and earn decent.
I'll have to feel good.
First issue, a job, I have no passion, no real hobby. Not even a special interest (pls autism give me something)
So what would I like to do? My most realistic job right now is interior designer/adviser.
Or a job that would fit well with me is where I pick books to be made into movies. When I read a book I imagine
what it would look like as a movie, sometimes I think a serie fits better.
I imagine what could be left out and what should definitly be left in.
I imageine how the characters would look, dress and talk. I make a set in my head. dream job.
To combine these, maybe I should be a set designer.
How do I get into this? I have no idea.
Second issue, money, self explanatory
Third issue, me, what if things get to much, I'll burn out. I think if I love the thing that I do
that it's not likely I would have a burn out. But what if I can't find anything I love?

I don't want to work untill I'm dead. But work is mandatory. Maybe it doesn't seem to be that way,
but it is. You go to mandotory school to learn, so you can get your manatory job. Horrible.
What if they just teach acctualy important, basic thing to live life and besides that
the students can get educated on whatever they are interested in. No matter their scores and results.
Because if somebody is learning something they like it's so much easier and those thing don't matter.
It's easy to do with online stuff and all. Some students can learn mutiple things, some are better of with just one thing.
Everybody can get a job they enjoy doing.
But that is another one of those dreams.

- with love, yours truly

Hi, so update on hobby's, my site and life not exactly in that order but who cares.
I'll start at this site, pixelwhispers. I've been creating this new page called mediaroom
I plan on putting my favorite books, tv-shows, movies and music in this space. It has been taking me a bit
especially because when I edit the code then it takes a long but like very long time to show up
and I keep thinking I did something wrong but it just won't load. Idk how to fix this. It takes ton of time though
cause I've to take a bunch of breaks so I don't get extremely frustrated and start to hate doing this. Luckily I love this.

As far as the hobby's go, I wanted to watch 365 movies this year but I give up. As in 1 everyday. I've tried watching a movie everyday of the month, multiple times, never succeeded. Anyway I'm at 14 this year and month so if I watch 10 movies today I'm back on track. I log them in my letterboxed. I love letterboxed. I thought about linking it in my movie space. But I'd feel like that would take away from my anonymity on here. I've also tried getting into my journal book thing. I don't write my thoughts down (I do that here, a much more public place) I just put random things in there like a bucketlist, drawings or my tattoo ideas.

It feels good to spend more time on what I enjoy doing. Unfortunately I haven't been to school in awhile. I'll try picking it up on monday, I also said that last week... I am kinda afraid of going but don't know what I am afraid of. (gosh what a joy, autism) The not knowing part is what frustrates me the most. If I could just fix that, I think I would conquer the world. Watch out everybody! Ignore that.
So in my last post I wrote about how I felt about the last year. I still think alot about it but I think I've also learned.
I learned by making mistakes some wich I'll never make again and some I maybe will make again but that's OK because I will learn from them too. Well, that's where I want to leave it at for today or this post will get too long.

- with love, yours truly

Hey everybody, or nobody. I'm writing this for myself but I also hope somebody reads this and relates.
So last year I felt really shitty, I'm not sure if it was depression or if i just felt like ending it. I got help
even though the worst part was over once I could actually get help. I'm doing better now but recently I've been reflecting on that time.
And I realise I don't remember a whole lot, I remember some of the heavy thoughts I had and that it sucked
only not how it actually felt, if that makes sense. I've been thinking about the friends I lost. Thinking it may have been my fault or not,
I have no idea. Maybe I should've let them know how I was doing instead of shutting everyone out and not talking to anyone.
Maybe I was a bad friend. Maybe we wouldn't be friends whether I felt good or bad. I have no idea.
It is something that has been keeping me up for a while. Last year I barely went to school.
I feel myself slowly falling into that patern again. Maybe I now know what to do, maybe not. I have no idea.
I don't have a clue how I feel sometimes, if I am overreacting or just mentally ill or even a normal teenage girl with normal teenage girl struggels,
I am not sure, that is the way I am about most things. I just want to say no worries like I said I'm doing better. Maybe not the best ever but better.

On the positive side, I know that last time doing things I liked gave me joy and energy.
I just have to find those things for now and get out of this slum.
Making this website is something I enjoy, I think it could help me, working on this and writing my thoughts down.
I am treating this as a journal I guess, the thing with an irl journal for me is the scary tought that somebody I know will find it.
So I try and be anonymous on here and pray nobody I know finds this.
I'll end on an positive note, my dog finally understands, and does, the bow trick. It's so adorable!


-with love, yours truly

OK let's get into this. I have never written a blog before or made a website so yeah I know it's not the best.
I have enjoyed making this and look forward to expanding/ making it look prettier. So on here I want to maybe add a few other buttons wich can link to different stuff. I dont know what yet but I'll figure it out. I've been thinking that I could add a chat where visitors can react on my blog or website but like I said I'm not set on anything yet.

For my first entry I don't want to get into the deep stuff but I am planning on just writing down my thoughts and struggels on things. So I guess I'll introduce my self.
I'm a teenage girl with autism (i got the feeling im not the only one here on neocities lol), I haven't finished school yet and have no idea what I want to study after. Mainly because I don't really have something I am interested in. I feel like if I did I would know or it would be easier atleast. I do like watching movies or read a book from time to time. Only I feel like I can't really call myself a movielover because I don't watch niche enough movies. It's stupid I know. The interests I do have last about 1 week, this is probably one of them. What more can I tell about myself...
I have a dog, she is amazing and learns tricks very fast. I'm trying to teach her to bow but she somehow doesn't get it.

This feels hasty, I'll have to work on my writing. In my defense English isn't my first language.
Well I guess that's all for now. Thank you too anyone who reads this.

- with love, your truly x